A closer look

While out for my run yesterday I found myself drifting in and out of the same inside-my-head-conversation. Ever do that? Think about and “talk” through a thought in your mind, leave it for a while to think of other goo or think of nothing, then find your thoughts drifting back to the first idea?

It’s a loop I found myself in. And what I was searching for in that seemingly endless cycle was an answer to a question that simply popped in my head: Why am I doing this? It was Sunday morning, I was up early without needing to be, I had a whole day ahead of me, everyone else in the house was either asleep or just slowly waking, I had lots to do around the house, I wanted to hang out with and play with my kids, etc. Yet there I was hammering through 9k on a grey and soggy weekend morning and enjoying it.

I kept thinking about the why, why, why. But on closer inspection, it wasn’t really a question I was hoping to answer at all. It was a question whose only purpose was to distract myself from the very thing I was doing. Know what I mean?

I feel like I am not writing this out well, but I think I was mulling over why I was running in order to not think about the fact that I was running. Almost a “whistle while you work” kind of thing where carrying a tune forces your mind to focus elsewhere and not on the work.

Anyway, whatever the case, why I was running wasn’t and isn’t as important as the fact that I was running.

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